I have sat down on the edge of a hill under an overhanging tree, the leaves sway in the breeze as I write this, pondering in the shade.
Moving out feels akward. As I still have a life here. But my bed is too bulky to move on my own. If I am to shift it I will have to do it with a bigger car and a second pare of hands. But if I do this today that means I have no where to sleep for the next two days. If I thought this through better I would have kept my yoga mats here that way I could have used them as bedding for the next two days. I should remember that next time. I wish my matress was lighter and could bend more easily. Then moving house would not have been such a chore.
Sometimes I feel so self confident. And then once I start showing down, I crave the attention of the opposite sex. I need a message, a chat to let me know I am still worth something. But how do I fix this self doubt and lonesomeness? Get back on the work wagon, do the things I love and make it happen.
Now that the school year is over I have time to think. And I think to myself, what did I do all of that year? I studied most of it. Worked every day off and some days clashed. I went through a few partners, one was around for the most part. Hiked around a mountain, went to a week long hippie festival. But at the same time it does not seem like a lot. As though being caught up in it all I actually missed out on a lot more. And did not see even more. For some strange reason I feel as though my foggy head was due to a carb overload making life a little bit more complicated in my head. But maybe this is just how fast a year goes. Which is kind of scary. As though that is a year gone in a blink. One down 60 more left. A sad and scary thought. That one day it will all be over.