In sex we find what we can’t in our day.

Title: We all wear the dress

I like to be fingered through my summer dresses, the feel of that thin fabric on my skin. I like a man who cross-dresses, we can both put on lipstick and fuck. I want to lift up his skirt and suck his cock. So big and thick with compared to that tiny skirt. I think that is how woman can look so great clothed, the small outfits accentuating their tits, arse and hips. And men I think should so the same, a sunny hat, and a summery dress.

Title: Wanting more

Cute girl I am, sitting on a dick

I wish you had more legs to lick and body parts to sit on,

To slide into me and hide in my dark places,

The sun is shining, my little hole is tiny,

But the feeling is so large,

Cum on my face, that bad taste,

I will lick it all up,

You are my god, and thanks for the fuck.

Title: vanilla

What goes up, must  come down,

I am dominant, you are a sub,

You arse must go up, so I can come down on you,

Its physics, physical forces working together,

Find the opposing forces in you and me.

Title: freckle on her chest

I head into this small town,

I look hard at it all, the many lives that must have lived here,

But gone and lost, nowhere to be found,

I talk to you behind the counter,

I don’t know why I stopped here but I am glad I found her,

After work, you lead me to a place to stay, take care of me, in your nurturing way,

You stroke my cock eyes on me, you know how to care, you know what to do,

You open your shirt, breast in a white bra,

It’s a the rusted hinge, tears within,

A memory had, sun on my hat, but the day doesn’t warm my heavy heart,

Close to you, under the fabric, your freckled skin,

I smile here, crowded in despair

Train

I was dumped at the end of last year, happy fucking newyear to me. Anyway I was chatting to an old man about electronics and his passion for it when my exs friend got on the train. They sat down across from me and the old man and pulled out a book about Canada out of a bag. And started to flick through the pages.

She wore purple fishnet stockings, and a colourful long skirt. Sharing intesly at the pages. As though they did not want to be disturbed. But I found it odd that on this mostly empty train they sat so close to me. I don’t know what the rules are with ex’s friends as I was the one that was heartlessly dumped but I have no problem with Janna so I said hi “Hi Janna, Its me Jesse” I said with a smile. “how are you how is the aromatherapy course going”. Something I remember discussing earlier last year with them. Janna looked up at me in the eyes, then at the man. And said hello with a grim on her face, and told me about it. I asked about her day and what she has been up to. I said I was catching the train home. And see asked if instead I wanted to hang out with her and her place. I did not see why not, all I was going to do was read on the balcony, I’m sure that book can wait.

We talked some more and the old man who I introduced came to his stop and got off. Janna’s place was a little further. I had been there before when I visited with my ex. We get of the train and make our way to her gate, white and bright through the door and down the hall.

I asked for some water. It is a hot day and I had done plenty of talking. Janna pores a glass and I drink it. We head into her room and she sits on the bed. And talks about objects in her room. There are many things and I like the way it is decorated. It is colourful and would have taken a long time to collect everything, very girly and the room smells like a girl. You ask me to lay down with you so you can play with my hair. We lay down with your arms around me and you swirl your fingernails in my hair. I feel the soft shape of your tits on my back and I remember how big your tits are for such a skinny girl.

I sit up and your fingers trace along my back. It feels so nice to be touched like this. You rum my shoulders, my neck and I can feel your nails on my back. I feel your tongue on the back of my neck. You spread out your arms around my waist and your hands go under my shirt and feel my chest and stomach. A hand goes into my lap. I can see that you are testing the waters to see what you can and can not do. But we are in your room and I like you so whatever is fine with me. But I do not say this I let you search my body nervously. You unzip my pants and spread them a little. I can feel your cheak on my back and your breath warm against my neck. You rub my underwear, it feels so nice. And you reach in and grab my cock. It feels so large in your hand. Your long sharp nails but you are ever so gental with my cock. You stroke it and then start to jerk up and down, your breath on my neck. A hand on my chest. You want this you want to feel my heart beat. You kisses on my neck. I turn my head our eyes meeting as you keep jerking my cock I breath and you breath me in. I kiss our lips and taste your tongue in my mouth. I turn and you ask me what I want.

I did not have any plans on how this should go. I just wanted to go with the flow, see how our bodies connect and follow what they want. I lay back on the bed head on a pillow. You looks so pretty with your cheaks flushed with colour. We kiss some more and you go back to jerking my cock our eyes still locked on each over your lower lip hanging down.

You ask about my ex, and if this is wrong. I told Janna it was my ex who broke it of with me and this is right if you feel it to be so. You smile , your eyes creasing and the glassy watery look they have shinning as they stare at me. You blush, and look down at our bodies. Your hand grasping around my cock. You stroke it and move your thighs back and lean forward your eye on mine as you make your way down to my cock. Your arse raasing I can see the shape outlined on your skirt. I lick and suck me. Your hands pressed on the blankets for support hands sinking in. I lick and suck me. I can feel the warth of your mouth, little scrapes of your teeth and your tongue your lift up away from my dick, drool from your mouth dripping down your lips in a stream onto my dick covering it like syrupe. I like the feeling but I do not want you to stop just there. You tell me to be wrough with you. As I know from stories you have told about past lovers how you like to be dominated. I am more of a giver than a taker but I aimed to do my best to dominate you.

Janna: I want this and I want you. I make it clear that I love it only when it hurts. I guide your hand to grab my hair I make a sound to show that I like that. I feel your fingers pulling my hair I tease your cock with my tongue and pull away a lot to tease you to make you want more. You pull hard on my hair and I go down on your cock. I hold my head there as I try and pull away. And you begin to fuck my face. I feel your cock pump in and out of my throat.

Jesse: I grab your hair, fingers holding tight and I push your face back onto my cock all the way down, you suck slowly but I want it harder and faster so with my hand holding your hair I push and pull your face on my cock.

Janna: I move my tongue around in my mouth. As I you pump harder into my mouth, pulling hard on my hair. Your breathing quickens and I can see you are lost in bliss I look up at you. And you cum. It is thick and warm. You are holding to close on my face as I try and holding it in my mouth and I need to breath. I gag a little and your cum comes out of my nose.

You reaslie how tight you are holding onto my face. And let go. I take a big breath in and swallow. I wipe my face with my hand and lick my fingers clean. This I have found is a good thing to do swallow all the cum like honey, I care for Jesse every part of him.

seated under a tree

I have sat down on the edge of a hill under an overhanging tree, the leaves sway in the breeze as I write this, pondering in the shade.

Title:

Moving out feels akward. As I still have a life here. But my bed is too bulky to move on my own. If I am to shift it I will have to do it with a bigger car and a second pare of hands. But if I do this today that means I have no where to sleep for the next two days. If I thought this through better I would have kept my yoga mats here that way I could have used them as bedding for the next two days. I should remember that next time. I wish my matress was lighter and could bend more easily. Then moving house would not have been such a chore.

Title:

Sometimes I feel so self confident. And then once I start showing down, I crave the attention of the opposite sex. I need a message, a chat to let me know I am still worth something. But how do I fix this self doubt and lonesomeness? Get back on the work wagon, do the things I love and make it happen.

Title:

Now that the school year is over I have time to think. And I think to myself, what did I do all of that year? I studied most of it. Worked every day off and some days clashed. I went through a few partners, one was around for the most part. Hiked around a mountain, went to a week long hippie festival. But at the same time it does not seem like a lot. As though being caught up in it all I actually missed out on a lot more. And did not see even more. For some strange reason I feel as though my foggy head was due to a carb overload making life a little bit more complicated in my head. But maybe this is just how fast a year goes. Which is kind of scary. As though that is a year gone in a blink. One down 60 more left. A sad and scary thought. That one day it will all be over.

Saturday night

Title: Just out of school

It may not be the best time right now. But I never delt with the death of a school friend that got sucked into a machine at a box factory shortly after we left school. My mind was somewhere else, and I new about it but never really understood that there whole life had just ended. And all that I and many others have done they did not get to experience any of it. It is sad and I am feeling it now.

Maybe it is my tired eyes, maybe it is the punch drink I had in the backyard of a friends place. Maybe it is that I have been reflecting a lot lately. Maybe it is my diet making me emotional. Whatever it is. I feel it now, the sadness I never understood.

I just want to be sad alone.

Here is a collection of sad poems and writings from over the past few months. I have opened my heart a little letting the sad feelings out. Enjoy!

Title: 82

Maybe I’m too young, We all are.

My granddad, He is a special man, and tells me

“don’t worry out about growing up, i still don’t know what i want to be”

funny and lovely, he is 82 today

time is running out,

maybe.

title:  Grandpa

You are getting on in life,

I visited you at the hospital,

My dad said you are interested in what I do, but we never really talk,

today is another day,

get well soon.

title: Origami heart

My heart is little more than thin bit of paper,

Bent and folded, fraying where you left a tear,

But I want to move on,

Folding my heart out, i want to make it fit,

To be beutiful and practical, bend and fit,

I love this idea, a creases on shiny paper,

Im tired now ill get to it later,
sit back and think,

Ideas make my wonder, probability makes me mad,

I should be happy, but problems are problems,

And I take on many, when my heart already feels the burden,

Sad on a tuesday,  I’m bent, folded away into nothing,

Resuscitate me into an origami piece healthy, hiding the tears,

Make this sad page okay

Title: At the mercy

My thyroid, holding my throat,slowly cloaking me

Breathing through my nose, to not absorb smoke,

Symptoms and feelings:  nervousness, tremors, pain in throat, depression,

Title: Front row seat

I sit here, somewhere out there yonder in the ether,

Obscure, but finding comfort and excitement in something new,

My blue heart, brought me here,

The rest is unclear, but the idea of you and this,

Tears don’t fall down in space,

I love.

Title: time on your hands

Uplifting, but I want to be down,

Do you have time to stick around,

I want to be alone with my thoughts,

But want you ready when I am

Title: light switch

Turn down the light,

I find it awfully bright,

my eyes are tired my mind to.

Let them both be, and I’ll smile onto you.

Title: Drowning  without water

I hurt out here in space,

A space without you, head ringing, closing my eyes

Its like everything we have ever done, I have ever done screaming in my head,

I am alone, physically, but surrounded by 25 years of memories,

Running deep in every direction, Like a sea, fighting hard to stay afloat,

Eyes open, Its gone, and I am alone.

Title: washing powder

What a mess, I want to scream, get out, get lost,

I feel dirty, shower myself, hose this place,

Spit out the sickness that is building up sitting here.

title: Heartbreak in Spring.

It hurts me know, that text you sent,

I have pined for you so long, and though of you throughout my day,

I’ll walk alone in the warm summer air,

In such contrast to how I feel,

when you said

you were meeting with a “friend”

title: Is it ever enough

I keep pushing upwards, getting things done,

My love for you, my work ,my friends, and nature,

I feel the weight of it all, have I come far at all?

and I ask myself, Is it ever enough?

title: My heat breaks as easy as yours

I absorb the words you tell me and I feel it in my heart, that lonely feeling replaced with pain, with the words that you say to me. While I was sleeping you were fucking someone else. And it hurts me, as I felt that we were n the same level, taking things slow. But you don’t feel the same way about me. And in many ways I would have done the same to you. I do not feel any sadness if I would find myself with another lover.

title: only happy when I am sick

Migraine, back ache, sore throat, hayfeaver, sunstroke

I turn off from the world and go into recovery mode, guilt free

the only time i truly respect me, my body, my mind and my emotions,

people don’t enjoy being sick, but somehow I find comfort in it

happily sick.

title: still Awake

I need go rest, I need to lounge,

my body is not as enthusiastic as my mind,

sunburnt, tired, saw feet, running on empty

If you want to see me at my best, let me sleep,

don’t get mad, let me rest

title: Mary’s Poem

Another rose this year,

sweating in my suit, on this warm sunny day,

the end really scares me,

Those I look up to,

covered in tears.