Trying to write an email to a friend

Dear S,

A holiday sounds exciting! from our recent chats it seems like you need and crave getting out of that city.

Study to be done, and holiday to plan, It sounds stressful and exciting at the same time.

P is a good spot to see the urban sprawl. P has many calafornia bungalow houses that look amazing when to walk down streets lined with them. And a short tram ride towards the city will take you to what I think is the best of Melbourne’s urban culture. It all awaits to open up before you.

Or staying it the city opens up other options. I’ll let you find them yourself. hehe 🙂 whatever you choose I am sure it will be great!

Looking forward to hearing about your thoughts, plans and adventures.

 

Your friend and always smiling,

 

Lily

Unfinished

I feel I have not yet done anything I wanted to achieve, the empty feeling creeping into my day after 10am, slowly pulling me down, that happy face, filled with bad thoughts and a frown.

Is there only room in my life for one? I have been happy with two before, but that was only momentary. When we got close things started to get hairy, scary and you pushed away.

I, myself push outwards, expanding searching for new ways to do things make things happen, but so often I feel myself fall short and fail. Too many times I have failed, an very little I have made work well. Maybe one day I will be happy and find my true self.

My phone keeps ringing with faces I don’t like. I am grateful that people want my attention as I do like receiving attention, but it seems to be coming from all the wrong people, everyone I care for has found peace without me, and everyone one else want s a piece to take and not give.

My hair falling around my face as I lay down to read a book, I need to read, take my mind of things for a while, what I really need is you, your hips and a good bonk. But that is not the way it is forever starting anew, 1000 more days without you.

Cool feeling on my neck, no socks. I have developed a love for the cold, to be in it, to calm to heated heart and frazzled mind. They cold is the only thing I can do without damaging myself in some unspeakable heartbroken way.

How am I supposed to feel?  The love I felt, for you was never real. Wounds I pick at, and angry flames grow higher and it is all a mess. How am I supposed to feel. When nothing I have done has made me feel tall, Jack yourself in, write a story, Numb yourself out, there is more than one way out, How am I supposed to feel…

Anthology

Dear readers,

I have some time on hand, and like to gift,

to make an anthology of things I have wrote,

but more importantly,

got me thinking, how do you celebrate your blog?

have you made an anthology before or something similar?

this has sparked way to many questions I wish to ask, but have not thought of how to say.

 

Always smiling,

Lily Plum.

Clean up

I wake up and nothing feels right,

Am I wasting my time?

Am I getting anywhere,

I need to sort, keep myself busy,

Find out what is and what is not,

Clothes, art supplies, gifts, and the rest,

I have so many papers,  time gone by,

Finding all the things that I have half finished,

All those memories and exciting times,

I don’t know why I could not finish things,

Just an excited kid,

Maybe I am just a negative creep,

Maybe I am coming across as negative, so I apologies,

Should I be doing more,

Is what I am doing right?

Questions without answers flood my head,

Was it my fault, or just not my time,

A learning experience that hurt so bad,

Clean up, pack up,

All these memories have to go.

A walk at night

I went for a walk barefoot, so many animals out at night.

The smell of the sea air,

They light up between the trees, stars,

Hear waves when i am getting close

See wallabies bouncing around in their fluffy coats

No shoes on, warm night air,

Rabbits, birds

Bunnies back and forth everywhere

So much life close to the sea

Sharing a moment where we would both rather be

:  :       Paul: What are you doing/thinking?

:  :       Rebecca: i   watching tv thinking about the sea

:  :       Rebecca: at night

:  :       Rebecca: 🙂

:  :       Rebecca: must be very peaceful

:  :       Rebecca: wish i could go there one day

:  :       Paul: Waves going bavk and forth. Cool sand on your feet.

:  :       Paul: Moonlight on the waves

:  :       Rebecca: full moon?

:  :       Rebecca: beautiful

:  :       Rebecca: drinking ch pagne haha

:  :       Paul: Trees rustling, tracks in the sand

:  :       Paul: A mat to sit on, toes in the sand

:  :       Rebecca: mmmm

:  :       Rebecca: 🙂

:  :       Rebecca: great for meditating

:  :       Rebecca: the sound of the waves all night

:  :       Rebecca: when you fall in and out of sleep

:  :       Rebecca: its very calming

:  :       Paul: Strong heavy crashes of waves, slowly sloftly sinking away

:  :       Rebecca: with a booming sound

:  :       Rebecca: and then a soft hiss

:  :       Rebecca: crabs scattering across the beach in the moonlight

:  :       Paul: Watch there outlines

:  :       Rebecca: their bodies shine

:  :       Rebecca: and shimmer

:  :       Paul: Open the bottle have a sip

:  :       Rebecca: its soft and fruity flavoured

:  :       Rebecca: ah this is a fun g e

:  :       Rebecca: the bubbles dissolve on your tongue

:  :       Paul: Sharing the bottle passing it back

:  :       Rebecca: pouring it into tall glasses

:  :       Paul: Cheers

:  :       Rebecca: laying back on the mat staring at the stars

:  :       Rebecca: looking at constellations

:  :       Rebecca: thinking about the fact you are looking at the past

:  :       Rebecca: thinking those who have died might be there

:  :       Rebecca: somewhere

:  :       Rebecca: your mood starts to change and you drag yourself back into the present moment

:  :       Rebecca: appreciating the sea

:  :       Paul: Hear it, breath it in

:  :       Rebecca: it clears your mind

:  :       Rebecca: nothing is that bad anymore

:  :       Rebecca: life is worth living for the moment

:  :       Rebecca: you forget your unhappiness and start to really smile

:  :       Paul: Feel it within

:  :       Rebecca: it comes over your body

:  :       Rebecca: like a warm feeling

:  :       Rebecca: the ch pagne is going to your head

:  :       Rebecca: you feel abit giddy

:  :       Rebecca: and a little tired but relaxed

:  :       Rebecca: you have good company

:  :       Paul: A late night to share

:  :       Rebecca: their presence brings you calm

:  :       Rebecca: and happiness

:  :       Rebecca: 🙂

:  :       Rebecca: how   i doing?

:  :       Paul: Great.

:  :       Rebecca: sweet

:  :       Rebecca: you feel as though you could fall asleep right there on that mat

:  :       Rebecca: you feel so comfortable and in good company

:  :       Paul: Another glass, the bottle won’t last

:  :       Rebecca: thx lol

:  :       Rebecca: you can hear tjhe music from a party in the distance

:  :       Rebecca: sometimes loud and sometimes drowned out completely by the sound of the waves

:  :       Paul: Far enough to be alone

:  :       Rebecca: its romantic music

:  :       Paul: Yeah?

:  :       Rebecca: love songs from the   s

:  :       Rebecca: ?

:  :       Rebecca: and some beach boys

:  :       Rebecca: it feels abit like a lynch film

:  :       Paul: This place these sounds in a moment of its own disconnected from the world

:  :       Rebecca: mmmm 🙂

:  :       Paul: Sit here, or care to dance?

:  :       Rebecca: do you dance?

:  :       Paul: Now is your chance! Hehe

:  :       Rebecca: i can show you a waltz lol

:  :       Paul: Id like that

:  :       Paul: Stand facing you, feet and hands following your direction

:  :       Rebecca: i hold your hands and tell you to move your feet with mine

:  :       Rebecca: slowly

:  :       Rebecca: side to side

:  :       Rebecca: we move side to side

:  :       Rebecca: in the moonlight

:  :       Rebecca: some water rushes over our feet

:  :       Paul: Cool and bubbly

:  :       Rebecca: we stand in the water not really noticiing it

:  :       Rebecca: and laughing cause its funny to be dancing

:  :       Rebecca: oh i forgot you put your arm around my waist

:  :       Rebecca: you start to get into the rhythm of the waltz

:  :       Rebecca: and follow my movements

:  :       Rebecca: counting one two three

:  :       Rebecca: one two three

:  :       Paul: Your waste is small, I like the feel of the matetial of your dress

:  :       Paul: I focus on the dance

:  :       Rebecca: haha i   blushing at your touching my waist

:  :       Rebecca: i also have my hand on your waist

:  :       Rebecca: over your shirt

:  :       Rebecca: focusing on trying to teach you

:  :       Rebecca: but embarrassed

:  :       Paul: Sweaty hands

:  :       Rebecca: yes me too

:  :       Rebecca: we are smiling

:  :       Rebecca: and laughing

:  :       Rebecca: then i put my head on your shoulder

:  :       Rebecca: and we waltz like its a school dance

:  :       Rebecca: it feels so relaxing

:  :       Paul: Around and around in ankle deep water

:  :       Paul: The rythem of the dance

:  :       Paul: Rocking bavk and forth

:  :       Rebecca: the water lapping our legs and angles

:  :       Rebecca: the bottom of my dress is getting wet

:  :       Rebecca: rocking back and forth like in a trance

:  :       Rebecca: 🙂

:  :       Paul: Dre y

:  :       Rebecca: you like that?

:  :       Paul: Yes i do

:  :       Rebecca: me too 🙂

:  :       Rebecca: you reach down and kiss my cheek

:  :       Rebecca: very soft and sweetly

:  :       Rebecca: i melt

:  :       Paul: My hand on your waste

:  :       Paul: The other feel your fingertips

:  :       Rebecca: your hand tightening on my waist

:  :       Paul: Give you a squeeze

:  :       Rebecca: i wrap my arm further around your back

:  :       Rebecca: 🙂

:  :       Paul: My and rubs your back as we dance slowly

:  :       Rebecca: it feels comforting

:  :       Rebecca: i kiss your left cheek

:  :       Rebecca: softly

:  :       Rebecca: and then your right

:  :       Rebecca: slowly and softly

:  :       Rebecca: your skin feels warm and soft

:  :       Paul: I feel wet lips on my skin,

:  :       Rebecca: beneath my lips

:  :       Rebecca: good?

:  :       Paul: I enjoy your effection and squeese your hips and smile

:  :       Rebecca: our waltz changes

:  :       Rebecca: i put my arms around your neck

:  :       Rebecca: and you put both hands on my hips

:  :       Rebecca: and we move from side to side

:  :       Paul: I feel your shape.

:  :       Rebecca: you kiss my forehead

:  :       Rebecca: slowly and delicately

:  :       Paul: Hips move beneath a pretty dress

:  :       Paul: I taste you

:  :       Rebecca: my forehead tastes salty

:  :       Paul: Hehe

:  :       Rebecca: lol

:  :       Rebecca: you move down and kiss my nose

:  :       Paul: I can see you smile in the moon light

:  :       Rebecca: our eyes are interlocked

:  :       Rebecca: i caress your hair

:  :       Paul: I can feel the warmth of your body radiate.

:  :       Rebecca: you lean down and kiss my lips softly

:  :       Rebecca: and delicately

:  :       Paul: You breath out and i breath you in

:  :       Rebecca: i cant breathe

:  :       Rebecca: my head is spinning

:  :       Paul: I hold you

:  :       Rebecca: i put my head back on your shoulder and keep dancing

:  :       Rebecca: getting closer

:  :       Rebecca: our bodies

:  :       Rebecca: hugging

:  :       Paul: We drift into knee deep water

:  :       Rebecca: i can feel your heart beating fast

:  :       Paul: I like it here

:  :       Rebecca: in knee deep water?

:  :       Paul: Sharing it with you, the beach, the night, the dance

:  :       Rebecca: oh i like it too

:  :       Rebecca: there is no other place i would rather be

:  :       Paul: I kiss your forehead

:  :       Rebecca: it feels nice

:  :       Rebecca: and abit wet

:  :       Rebecca: our eyes are locked on each other

:  :       Rebecca: the whole time

:  :       Rebecca: my hands wrapped around your neck

:  :       Rebecca: caressing your hair

:  :       Paul: I watch your reaction as i feel your sides.

:  :       Paul: I have mixed feelings

:  :       Paul: Head out deeper or go sit on the mat on the sand

:  :       Rebecca: which would you prefer?

:  :       Paul: I would like to float a bit and then dry off. Watch your dress float around

:  :       Rebecca: i shiver abit at your touch

:  :       Rebecca: but i like it

:  :       Paul: I hold your hand and lead you out

:  :       Paul: Up to your belly

:  :       Rebecca: i   a little scared

:  :       Rebecca: and abit cold

:  :       Paul: Tell me your fears

:  :       Rebecca: sharks? lol

:  :       Paul: To shallow

:  :       Rebecca: so what next?

:  :       Rebecca: are you tired sweetie ?

:  :       Paul: A little but enjoying myself. Ill sleep when i   ready

:  :       Rebecca: ok

:  :       Paul: I like feeling the cool water, your dress floats up to the surfaces and dances like an octopus. My shirt soaked through

:  :       Paul: Are you sleepy?

:  :       Rebecca: a little

:  :       Rebecca: go on

:  :       Rebecca: i   enjoying this

:  :       Rebecca: i feel your wet shirt against my body

:  :       Paul: My hands in yours. Staring at you, i touch your shoulders. Run down your arms

:  :       Paul: My hands under the water, on your bare sides under the dress. Eyes on you

:  :       Rebecca: it feels nice

:  :       Rebecca: i like the way you look at me

:  :       Rebecca: i shiver at your touch on my bare skin

:  :       Paul: I hold you against me.

:  :       Paul: I bring a hand up, hold your face and kiss your open mouth

:  :       Rebecca: your body feels warm

:  :       Rebecca: your heart is beating like a rabbit

:  :       Rebecca: your hand moves up and down my leg

:  :       Paul: I feel your thigh

:  :       Paul: I pick you up, and hold you against me, your legs wrap around me

:  :       Paul: A hand on your but and thighs

:  :       Rebecca: your kisses are harder

:  :       Rebecca: your tongue is in my mouth

:  :       Rebecca: i can feel you against me

:  :       Paul: I squeese your butt

:  :       Rebecca: hehe

:  :       Rebecca: do you feel weird?

:  :       Paul: I feel something good.

:  :       Rebecca: it sounds promising though 🙂

:  :       Paul: So i walk you out onto the beach. Sit down on the sand, pick up a glass each and look at the stars, snd think this moment, we only existed within it

:  :       Rebecca: yeah 🙂 it was a really nice moment

:  :       Rebecca: you are sweet

:  :       Paul: Maybe next time i can walk you down the beach to that party.

:  :       Paul: Okay goodnight dry that dress hehe

:  :       Rebecca: and you dry your shirt. have nice sweet dre s 🙂

:  :       Rebecca: goodnight

:  :       Rebecca: (hug)

Splinter

I do things that i want,
Not just doing as i am told,
And its scary and lonely,
Even i dont know me,
Give me a hug,
All i want to do is talk deep,
A false love to depend on,
Means more to me then getting my fuck on,
Learning to stand tall,
Make sense of it all,
Crippling loneliness,
Give it to me,
Find my feet,
Fall back down, on repeat,
Scars on me knees,
Hey its okay,
Heart bigger than my skin,
Be nice and greatful when loved one say goodbye,
Pitty party inside i die,
But a little tear and tear,
My heart is growing bigger,
Just doing all the things I want.

1985