again again again

I wont ever see the same people again.

No need to wait or hold the door. What for?

I will not see these faces again.

I want to stay here happy in my own skin, not worried if our paths will cross again, because they wont.

Not with you not with anyone, and I can be myself  because if I be silly no one will know.

I can run jump, paint and draw, as I am only walking forward in this journey no time to stop for you.

Our paths may cross for reasons unintended.

A happy moment and a wave goodbye from me and my body.

I won’t ever see these same people again

Can’t we go back to page one and do it all over again?

love blossoming between “just friends”,

I like thinking what could be,

lift my spirits up again and again,

not telling it all, but finding little bits about you,

I feel so loved when you write to me,

Nothing can hurt me,

except maybe you on the last page of this story.

Unfinished

I feel I have not yet done anything I wanted to achieve, the empty feeling creeping into my day after 10am, slowly pulling me down, that happy face, filled with bad thoughts and a frown.

Is there only room in my life for one? I have been happy with two before, but that was only momentary. When we got close things started to get hairy, scary and you pushed away.

I, myself push outwards, expanding searching for new ways to do things make things happen, but so often I feel myself fall short and fail. Too many times I have failed, an very little I have made work well. Maybe one day I will be happy and find my true self.

My phone keeps ringing with faces I don’t like. I am grateful that people want my attention as I do like receiving attention, but it seems to be coming from all the wrong people, everyone I care for has found peace without me, and everyone one else want s a piece to take and not give.

My hair falling around my face as I lay down to read a book, I need to read, take my mind of things for a while, what I really need is you, your hips and a good bonk. But that is not the way it is forever starting anew, 1000 more days without you.

Cool feeling on my neck, no socks. I have developed a love for the cold, to be in it, to calm to heated heart and frazzled mind. They cold is the only thing I can do without damaging myself in some unspeakable heartbroken way.

How am I supposed to feel?  The love I felt, for you was never real. Wounds I pick at, and angry flames grow higher and it is all a mess. How am I supposed to feel. When nothing I have done has made me feel tall, Jack yourself in, write a story, Numb yourself out, there is more than one way out, How am I supposed to feel…

Cute emails between my heart and my mind

Title: A walk at night with my crush First we greeted and loved. But now we walk into the night breathing in the air, hearing the still night. maybe unfamiliar places, streetlights, bushtrack. Together we are not alone, I can …

In sex we find what we can’t in our day.

Title: We all wear the dress

I like to be fingered through my summer dresses, the feel of that thin fabric on my skin. I like a man who cross-dresses, we can both put on lipstick and fuck. I want to lift up his skirt and suck his cock. So big and thick with compared to that tiny skirt. I think that is how woman can look so great clothed, the small outfits accentuating their tits, arse and hips. And men I think should so the same, a sunny hat, and a summery dress.

Title: Wanting more

Cute girl I am, sitting on a dick

I wish you had more legs to lick and body parts to sit on,

To slide into me and hide in my dark places,

The sun is shining, my little hole is tiny,

But the feeling is so large,

Cum on my face, that bad taste,

I will lick it all up,

You are my god, and thanks for the fuck.

Title: vanilla

What goes up, must  come down,

I am dominant, you are a sub,

You arse must go up, so I can come down on you,

Its physics, physical forces working together,

Find the opposing forces in you and me.

Title: freckle on her chest

I head into this small town,

I look hard at it all, the many lives that must have lived here,

But gone and lost, nowhere to be found,

I talk to you behind the counter,

I don’t know why I stopped here but I am glad I found her,

After work, you lead me to a place to stay, take care of me, in your nurturing way,

You stroke my cock eyes on me, you know how to care, you know what to do,

You open your shirt, breast in a white bra,

It’s a the rusted hinge, tears within,

A memory had, sun on my hat, but the day doesn’t warm my heavy heart,

Close to you, under the fabric, your freckled skin,

I smile here, crowded in despair

Friday: dazed and confused

Title: 10am automatic

Waking up like clockwork regardless how late I went to sleep, I can feel the heat making my skin sticky and gross. Thankfully I wont be spending the summer here. I am moving out. Heading back to my folks this summer.

Title: skype

I am getting side tracked what was I doing again? Making a skype call, wasting time. I need to go down to the gallery today. But I don’t know what time. It will be open. Chatting on cam, to a person I only half know. People love to watch other people masturbate. I do to, but only if we maintain eye contact.

Title: groan

I take the things out of my closet and lay them on my bed. These I will pack  into my car. I will begin the first stage of moving today. On this hot sweaty day.

I can’t even think straight. My mind is a blur. I feel not the best. I think I am still hung over, trying to string words together. But the pain of thinking and doing is making it hard.

Native land

After a discussion at a lovely park today got me thinking and pondering further about ‘Aboriginals in Australia and the social discord’. These are purely my thoughts. Not based on any facts or and with no expertise in the field. Also not here to offend, this is a tricky issue. I am just pondering out loud. feel free to comment below. Enjoy! 🙂

Integration

when I hear ‘why don’t they fit in yet’. It makes me think, how much about Native Australian foods, language, laws, systems and culture to I know? and my answer is always not much. So it then becomes apparent how much native Australians have integrated into white culture compared to me into there culture. I feel I have a lot to learn.

Out of context

Lifestyles, keeping tradition, this is a simple way of living native Australians have lived for 2,000 year I think?If I remember my high school history book correctly. But a very long time and it worked.

But take tradition and lifestyle out of context, and simple living in busy cities can be seen as lazy, not contributing to society. bludgers.

Understanding that that tradition should not be compared to white culture for me is a big step in understanding the healthy differences.

 

 

Thank you for reading, have a nice day! 

long shadows in the summer

Title: Something for nothing

Today I unpacked my first solar panel. In Australia we have hot summers, with the heat sometimes almost unbearable. But for me I see this as an opportunity to get of the grid. My bedroom window gets the morning sun. Full and heavy. I angled the panel in the direction of the morning sun that comes up big strong and bright. I hooked it up to a battery to store the energy collected. And plugged in my fan and laptop.  About 6am in the morning I felt the gental brease of my fan wash over me, and saw the light on my laptop on, signalling that it had began to charge. It is amazing how this works. And that it will collect power from the sun up to 20 years. There is a good chance it will out last the devices I am charging. 

Title: Can’t be cool for long

I find it hard to sit there and fit in with the party crowd. It’s just not me. I don’t enjoy things that are not engaging. I don’t do drugs, so find it hard to chill to trance music for more than 3 hours.

Title: wanting more
Seeing clearly, kicking it aganst the pricks,
The future is now, but how?
Of the grid, knowledge is power,

After 10pm

Title: Up late at the hippie convent.

I like this place, they have good food, an alacrt menu. And yeah everyone is volunteers, it sounds amazing, I do like that I can find a seat easily. I want to chat about it but at the same time, I don’t like sharing to much as I think it will get ruined maybe… maybe not. Which would be a good thing as it is so easy for my friends and I to get to.

Afrter diner, we sat down on the slopping grass, listened to sheep baa, and watched as hundreds of bats flew over. There were people playing hand drums that have a nice watery sound that I heard a lot in india and other intereremets with one dude dancing to a different beat in his head. I hippie wearing a seahorse around his neck came by and sat down near us. We all chatted for a bit, then he brought up the subject of  drugs.

For me, I am okay with other people taking acid, shrooms, extacy and smoking weed. But none of that is for me, I have even stopped drinking recently, I don’t know. Drugs don’t take me to where I want to be, they take me to somewhere sad where I can’t find my way out until it is over. I am a happy idervidual, and drugs do not boost my experience. Even alcohol which I enjoyed on long afternoons chilling with friends, does not have that same effect on me anymore. Maybe I am getting older? Maybe the last parts of my mind are trying feebly to stay sane. Either way, I am okay with the recreational drug culture with social drug use. But it is my choice to say no, every time.

Title: Tears to fall from dry eyes.

We went our separate ways, me ignoring you, you not texting.

But tonight you had to message me, and I did not like it,

I am not ignoring you because I want to be mean, it is every time we hang you get weird,

You are a downer to everything positive I suggest doing, you send me nasty message if I don’t reply when I am at work or school, I am busy sometimes, and you did not understand.

We had very little in common besides sex, Sex is great don’t get me wrong, but if I don’t like you as a person, it is hard to get wet.

And so tonight I will not reply to your text, I will not feel sorry or bad,

My eyes are dry, as tears for you I have never had.

A short story in the making?

I am aiming to turn one of my poems into a short story. I thought it would be nice to post my progress either chapter by chapter or the whole thing. I went with the whole thing. Here is my first attempt. enjoy! 🙂

Title: 2015: Tax ideology  (short story progrees)

Poem: Tax ideology (chapter titles)

• There is inequity in how tax is paid here I Australia maybe the world,
• Paying off accountants to find loopholes, I’ve earnt it you say?
• But let’s think, what is a quick fix, something obvious, something that hurts,
• Luxury cars, brought with this money stripped from the community,
• Well I would like to stop time, just for one night, venture out with my merry men and women,
• Gone in sixty seconds, Nicolas cage style,
• Change the deeds from coal miner, you single mother, and average family,
• You have worked hard for it, you didn’t even realise you earnt it,
• See happy faces driving around town,
• It’s yours now, don’t believe me? Here there are no self-awarded crowns.

Chapter summaries

1. Travis at 25 realised more and more about the inequality in the world, and while speaking to a friend joked about how he would change it. This joke seemed very plauseable, and scary if it had consequence.
   • This is not about how I feel towards inderviduals, just how I feel how to tax system does not fairly represent the money that is made in Australia. And how I feel towards destruction of our natural beautiful land. Its these strong feelings that drove me to make a plan and send a message.
   • Facts: (have facts jotted at the end of each chapter as a reminder to myself and a reminder to the people why I am doing what I am doing) Once minded it will take 200000 years for the land to recover, every day 20000 fish are taken from our oceans, this will not

2. But how to do it, first you needed to track down the cars, with a reporter friend Travis made on tinder they made an interview will all the fat cats in Australia asking about the cars they drove, making a doccumatenary, they were more than happy to show there pride and joys, this doc was screaned across Australia.
   • There are many reasons why I am doing this, but I am making a forceful change as the rich got that way from playing the system. And now that they succeded we turn around and say play fair. Mmm no, I understand where they are coming from, and don’t think great experctaions is the way to go. For me I will play the system. I will make it work and I will successed. Determination is in my mind.

3. Now how to get the cars from here to somewhere else without anybnody noticing in one night. This would be a big plan, that needed extra hands Taking most if not all his advice from gone in sixty seconds. Travis made this happen

4. People woke the following day to see cars in ther yards with notes on there windscreans , saying it is theres and there is no joke to be had.

• A man got out his crowbar, knowing whos car this was, his boss that fired him 2 months ago, taking the crowbar to the windshield hard and fast
• To get a car to every middle class worker on the census, was something of a chalenege, I wrote notes saying that today, you can drive but tomorrow if you want to trade for a bike or food, or just sell it you can. With a smile at the end of the note
• That day there was traffic chaos everywhere, cars banked up everywhere, but many did not care, as they were enjoying eating chips in a $200,000 car. Sauce stains on the seat.

5. Due to a legal technicality, if the fat cats made any attempt to get the tax back from the community, they will have to backpay their tax, this message only served as a warning to be more generous to there workers, the environment, and to when paying their tax

6. Travis overjoyed with the change he had made in the world, went and got drunk in the afternnon with his friends, it was a hot day and steped on a snake, bitten and in shock he fell back into a ditch where he hit his head, laying unconscious he later died from both the poision and the fall.
   • The funny thing about losing consciousness is that your mind doesn’t register the last view seconds when your head it’s the floor, so for you you only see up until a second or two before you actually loose consciousness. Maybe it has to do with short term and long term memery. Maybe not, either way, Travis is dead now.

thanks for reading. I hope I have the time again to add to it, and make it grow into something nice to read.