letters unsent

I find good therapy for me and the best way to deal with a difficult time is to write a letter that I will not send. No one is hurt, and gives me time to reflect and heal.Is there answers from someone that you never got? Or is there something you wanted to get of your chest to someone but never did?

Dear T,

 

I am upset, I really liked you and felt you felt the same way.

that day and night we spent together. I could say I was not myself, and did not express the way I wanted to. Maybe I was as nervous as you were, but you just didn’t see it. I had a lot to say to you and ask you. but said the wrong things, wore clothing that I don’t normally wear. and was really timid.

I think the drive down and a few busy days before hand turned me into a passive zombie. Not really myself, something I would normally stay at home and hid way for a day to recover.

I would like to know,

did meeting me unvail the illusion?

I said to myself I would take sometime assess how I feel and write back to you in a few weeks with a clear head.

I thought you might write back, but you have not. So I thought I would send this email to clear things up for me. In that time I was able to reflect on myself. and no I cannot say after that first meeting I was happy where it was headed. Only because I had things I had not dealt with yet and needed time by myself to do so.

To say that you have made up your mind, had a good time but. I think the thing that bugged me was your email it was not a proper answer.

one of the sacriest things with getting to know someone knew is thinking can I be myself around them. If the answer is no, then why? and if the answer is still no. then they are not for you.

 

Your friend and always smiling,

 

Lily

 

I am gone

Hide away, I don’t want to be seen, look away take a turn that will take me further from interaction, I don’t want to think I don’t want to make myself know I want to hide away on a day like today. there are so many things that I can see that i want but I will walk around them and walk away as I don’t know what to do or how to maintain it, I am ever so alone and empty inside, I feel the cold sweat of loneliness crowding in on me and I think this may be the end there is no way up and I keep sinking, I want to sink I want to feel pain and I want to be alone. I want to be left alone never to be thought of again, for the earth to swallow me up and to not let me back out, I reach out a beg for nothing to come of me. for me to become the emptiness inyour heart and the feeling that you made me feel. I am gone, and I am blaming you.