Hunger pains

Hunger pains, cold again, that sick morning feeling,

Did I leave a piece of me with you, is it growing like a plant seed,

Or was it never planted properly,

I am attracted to a burning flame, better if I don’t get to close,

It wont be only my fingers that feel the hot wax,

Online, all the time, searching for?

I puzzle myself, slow and steady,

Smile as I clean up the mess from the night before,

A comforting feeling, sitting alone,

A happy safe place and a quick fix,

What I don’t want, seems to be a longer list,

No ciggarets or children, please be thin, and friendly to beign,

I don’t care for geeky things,  a photo of you outdoors,

I need a grace period, a time to bleed all these bad presumtions out,

I will find that inner smile, even if it takes a while.

A walk at night

On this journey of life, another spiritual quest I took,

Little dog to look after as I wonder through the plains,

Head held high, warmed up and well stretched,

Good balance and a healthy back,

Heavy boots, but I can still feel the earth,

Breath in the air and smile at the trees,

The road bends and curves and I hug it tightly every inch,

My small dog breaths and pants, people and faces,

Fence lines and brick, blend and blur as I walk following a path,

On my spiritual journey, stepping back in time.

Can’t we go back to page one and do it all over again?

love blossoming between “just friends”,

I like thinking what could be,

lift my spirits up again and again,

not telling it all, but finding little bits about you,

I feel so loved when you write to me,

Nothing can hurt me,

except maybe you on the last page of this story.

letters unsent

I find good therapy for me and the best way to deal with a difficult time is to write a letter that I will not send. No one is hurt, and gives me time to reflect and heal.Is there answers from someone that you never got? Or is there something you wanted to get of your chest to someone but never did?

Dear T,

 

I am upset, I really liked you and felt you felt the same way.

that day and night we spent together. I could say I was not myself, and did not express the way I wanted to. Maybe I was as nervous as you were, but you just didn’t see it. I had a lot to say to you and ask you. but said the wrong things, wore clothing that I don’t normally wear. and was really timid.

I think the drive down and a few busy days before hand turned me into a passive zombie. Not really myself, something I would normally stay at home and hid way for a day to recover.

I would like to know,

did meeting me unvail the illusion?

I said to myself I would take sometime assess how I feel and write back to you in a few weeks with a clear head.

I thought you might write back, but you have not. So I thought I would send this email to clear things up for me. In that time I was able to reflect on myself. and no I cannot say after that first meeting I was happy where it was headed. Only because I had things I had not dealt with yet and needed time by myself to do so.

To say that you have made up your mind, had a good time but. I think the thing that bugged me was your email it was not a proper answer.

one of the sacriest things with getting to know someone knew is thinking can I be myself around them. If the answer is no, then why? and if the answer is still no. then they are not for you.

 

Your friend and always smiling,

 

Lily