you lose

I have had my fill and do not crave the constant attention, I could so with a breack from it all,

I think my open heart is now closing a little bigger over the new things that I have learnt,

I will be happy going my own way, until I burn my fingers again,

Morning yoga sounds exciting, laugh at my own jokes,

Cleaning up, externally, is the same as cleaning up  internally,

A glass of wine to start my day, cheecky,

Little outfits, as I play, reading letters all the better,

Wash my hair have a bath, I like things wetter,

Faces change but my feelings stay the same,

I learnt a lot from not having you around,

All I can say now is that I feel sorry for you, missing out.

A walk at night

On this journey of life, another spiritual quest I took,

Little dog to look after as I wonder through the plains,

Head held high, warmed up and well stretched,

Good balance and a healthy back,

Heavy boots, but I can still feel the earth,

Breath in the air and smile at the trees,

The road bends and curves and I hug it tightly every inch,

My small dog breaths and pants, people and faces,

Fence lines and brick, blend and blur as I walk following a path,

On my spiritual journey, stepping back in time.

again again again

I wont ever see the same people again.

No need to wait or hold the door. What for?

I will not see these faces again.

I want to stay here happy in my own skin, not worried if our paths will cross again, because they wont.

Not with you not with anyone, and I can be myself  because if I be silly no one will know.

I can run jump, paint and draw, as I am only walking forward in this journey no time to stop for you.

Our paths may cross for reasons unintended.

A happy moment and a wave goodbye from me and my body.

I won’t ever see these same people again

Find a user

An empty heart with a picture of you within.

I feel my heart is somehow infatuated with you.

You were not even a blimp on the radar when you first started talking to me.

But somehow you laid roots deep in my heart, and then you decided when that plant had blossomed and grown to just rip it out because you thing it was not in the right spot.

Now my heart is disturbed, in chaos, a big hole right to the center were my connection with you was.

Can’t we go back to page one and do it all over again? 

love blossoming between “just friends”,

I like thinking what could be,

lift my spirits up again and again,

not telling it all, but finding little bits about you,

I feel so loved when you write to me,

Nothing can hurt me,

except maybe you on the last page of this story.

Stuck with my dark thoughts

Fuck this life, life is shit, I just want it to end. Why am I even here? Is this some big joke? I hate how stupid I am, and all the dumb things that I do, everyone else has sorted things out, but I am here just doing  and achieving nothing, working towards another broken dream.

I don’t want to leave this room there is nothing out there for me, everything I had is not broken, and it is all my fault. I am just a worm, and needy ever so needy, why cant I be the person everyone things I should be. You get close and I just cant take it any more I just want it all to end.

Clean up

I wake up and nothing feels right,

Am I wasting my time?

Am I getting anywhere,

I need to sort, keep myself busy,

Find out what is and what is not,

Clothes, art supplies, gifts, and the rest,

I have so many papers,  time gone by,

Finding all the things that I have half finished,

All those memories and exciting times,

I don’t know why I could not finish things,

Just an excited kid,

Maybe I am just a negative creep,

Maybe I am coming across as negative, so I apologies,

Should I be doing more,

Is what I am doing right?

Questions without answers flood my head,

Was it my fault, or just not my time,

A learning experience that hurt so bad,

Clean up, pack up,

All these memories have to go.

Patchwork scar

SCAN0042

Heartbreak? Maybe,

I would like to think of it as my heart opening up a little more to the world,

A piece of me I gave you, everything I gave was real,

It may be scary, I know,for me to go it alone,

carrying this fresh scar,

Patchwork to join the heart growth where it burst,

Not to cover or mend the hurt,

I have lost you and to me that is a big deal,

I wont pretend to know how you feel,

Don’t mind me just picking up the pieces of my heart and tears of the floor,

sow it together in my own time, patchwork scar

 

 

 

Foolish heart of mine

I would like to build something new, with or without you,

compose my feelings for you, they were good, just not for you,

In my garden I need fresh air, I’ll cry my tears, soak in the soil,

Oh how it feels like years, something new will grow

In this foolish heart of mine

 

I am not scared of welcoming you into my heart, burn me,

new love is never far, I’ll carry on with a little scar,

You don’t need me and I sure don’t need you,

You don’t need me and I sure don’t need you,

In this foolish heart of mine

 

You like the way I think and always want to meet,

for a time every text you sent makes my heart beat,

For a while you liked my sappy thoughts, listen while your wounds heal,

I’ve been there before, but I wont claim to know how you feel,

It is your heart, and a big deal,

But in time you will realize that you have everything you need, in you,

Your wounds will heal and seal me out,

this foolish heart of mine