Oh baby. I have gotten myself in deep. I am over my head , I take a deep breath and breath it all in. The day is here where I do what I want and how I feel and all of these thoughts and feelings come rushing in, walking around this room like a mess. I have a shot of vodka and slam the glass down on the table. Get a grip! I tell myself.
I have as of this moment agreed to go to mars. What a fool! Why, why, why! I keep telling myself, why can’t I just sit in my room and be sad like everyone else, why do I have to send myself all the way to another planet just to hurt my own feelings. Will I ever get a root on the other side? Will I come back? No, once you go, there is an only one way ticket.
Stuck there on that world, a farmer, isolated not by time and space, but by lack of oxegen, and fertile soil. I can only live on good soil and fresh clean air, so that cuts me off from the rest of mars I know that. We will be sent there to farm, for years until the place is healthy enough and big enough to send more annoying people, to this hot red earth. And I am there number 3. So far there are two people on mars, it is expensive to get there, but not a very long journey, just a one way ticket. You could only return if you somehow managed to buil your own little way of getting home, but since it has taken us this long to create quick space travel, I doubt that I would make it home in the same amount of time.
And so I say with a heavy heart, but I loving heart that, I want to be a mars space farmer. I want to be out there, I want to be one of the first. I want to build a world from the ground up! And I want to see it florish.
I have thought this through so many times, and yes I still want to go.