I clean up the house quickly, on a mission, I walk through the back streets until I find that path again, through the trees just out of ear shot of the rest of the world. This path has been made some time before me and it feels good to return to a place I feel familiar with. A place i know what I will find, peace and quiet on a steady slow journey between the trees.
I breath in the cool air, shaded, shading me. Where was that woman I stumbled across once before, naked lying in a pile of fallen leaves? I wanted the excitement I wanted the privacy and I wanted her as she was in nature.
Does she wait for me only in my fatasy, is my mind more daring than me? Do I dream up false truths? Somehow I feel as though my dreams are only small things, nothing than can compare to the real unplanned simple joys of life. The sounds of planes flying above me. The constant crunch of small rocks and gravel beneath my shoes. I take of my shoes to feel the tiny stones, their texture against my bare feet. Loneliness in nature is shows the joy we have with people. I feel the more time I spend out there the easier life is the easier it is to get work done. Not to say I will have more energy, the time is the same, just the doubt is not there. And that is the biggest hurdle is my own self doubt. That wall that I have build every day. One wall after another. But when I am outside my space I can see the wall and seeing it from afar just shows me visually that the wall is nothing big at all.
All this insight took time, and I have to keep telling myself that it is so, but even I don’t beleave myself. I am a visual person and I need to see it for myself.
are you a visual person? what beliefs to you meditate on?