cured my perpetual sadness

I feel as though the heavy weight of my perpetual sadness has been lifted from me,

I feel my centre of gravity returing as I put my feet on the ground and walk around,

happily absorbing the world like a sponge again,

I have been waiting for this waiting to find my way back,

So many mind exercises I have tried, and physical task to getmy head in the right place,

but it  seems the most recent has made things a little more clearer,

 

I walked backwards in my mind,

where am I now?

where was I before this?

what did I do before that?

how far can I walk back?

now that I am here, I feel as though I am not in such a small space in my head,

but in a larger, day, week, month.

take a looking the mirror

feeling a little more clearer,

fog is gone and I don’t know where,

hearing the birds churp a little more dearer,

and I aint wanting it to change,

can’t change the world, 

can’t change the world with out a start, 

This love is getting me higher, 

even if we are just hiding in the dark

I spend time in the gym,

gettting fitter gettting thin,

wrist getting stronger, I can feel that I am going longer,

ride my bike the whole way in

can’t change the world, 

can’t change the world with out a start, 

This love is getting me higher, 

even if we are just hiding in the dark

ride through the traffic,

pick up a parcel, university has let me in,

lock up my bike, the ground feels more solid,

message is getting clearer, as I am backtracking,

can’t change the world, 

can’t change the world with out a start, 

This love is getting me higher, 

even if we are just hiding in the dark

I brush my teeth and put on my jeans,

colourful, to big for this town,

hey there baby, I am just loving it,

come on baby, throw the ball back again

can’t change the world, 

can’t change the world with out a start, 

This love is getting me higher, 

even if we are just hiding in the dark

can’t change the world, 

can’t change the world with out a start, 

This love is getting me higher, 

even if we are just hiding in the dark

 

 

a closer look at breakfast

bacon and eggs,

check the fridge,

sizzle and squeak

 

fried rice and soy sauce,

rice cooker, bottled

steam, salty, sizzle

 

be happy don’t worry

I am going down hill, feel like every tuesday, wednesday is a bottomless pit, in whcih I sit,

I want to jump out, where is my mind,

but

don’t worry, be happy,

many many do I know what is up, sun shine on my heart, but a cloud in my mind,

sink sink, I remember the past, brittle like glass, holds me tight, rhythem whats right,

don’t worry be happy,

don’t worry be happppppy

natural flair

I walk over the hills and under logs,

gardens pritty with bright fungi, sourrounding tree stumps,

berries and leaves, great views from great hights,

purple, pink orange sunsets, reflecting in pools of water,

untill all I see is coloured patches on a pitch plack horrison,

warm hugs, campfire laughter, wordgames,

watch the glow, stayup late,

moring swim, river flow,

A place i’ve been, and seen, now I know.

walking backwards into my mind

I wake up to the sun streaming in,

so bright I can see it with my eyes closed,

I am warm in bed, I shuffle around feeling the cotton against my skin,

stretch those sleepy arms and legs and sit up,

I take a look around and take a look into my mind,

walking backwards the night before,

teeth, car, messages, dinner, train, school, car, cooking, computer,

and then a pick up the pace walking back through the night before,

chats, unpack, drive, heavy, hugs, van, burgers, hike, rockclimb, mushrooms, campfire, swim, river, tent, hugover,

I run backwards through the days and nights,

revisiting places long forgotten,

opening my heart to smiles I once shared,

walking through everything I dared and cared.

consistant

If I write the same story 100 times, will it still be the same story?

I have grown up with the understanding that only a fool would do the same thing 100 times and expect a different result. but is that the case for art and creativity?

 

my studio

This is my space, and I want to be happy, just a little,

I paint and draw here, outside I should be doing other things,

I do better work if I stick at it, little by little,

I knew I would want to stay here all day, so I came prepared,

I have fallen asleep in my studio the other night, I have done it before,

here I can never feel sad or lonely, those things wash of my skin,

I sit and think about all the possibilities, open mind, so exciting,

rainy, steamy day outside my open windows,

breath in the air, and smile to myself,

I focus on my art with an open heart.

(no.1-100)

This here is my space, my domain! I place for me a place where I can sit and just be. I want it all but most all I want to be happy, give me anything i’ll take it, just a little. When I sit in my space, my studio, I paint and draw. I think about the world outside but cast it off, nothing is more important to me then this here, right now.

Every image I draw, every paint tin I open, this is me, this is my time to explore, learn and practice hard. I feel better if I do it little by little. Refining, casting of all the wrong turns and dead ends. I know what to do as I have done it many times before. Little by little. I stand back and see yesterdays hard work, and achievement. I always feel sad and lonely here. It hurts really bad. I don’t know why. I am overwhelmed and I just want to cut it all down. Too much to sort though. It seems like a hopeless task sorting through all of the mess.

It is raining out side my window now. And I have bearly seen any daylight. Hidden away from it all.

tiny paws knows how to live

small heartbeat dreams close to me,

tiny paws tucked under a sleeping dogs head,

He hides away from the world on my bed,

I will spend my day like him, and hide away from the world as well,

today I am happy

unaffected by everything outside my door,

I will open it when I am ready, full head of knowledge,

I give time to myself to sit and think, ponder and explore,

learning from books, walking in my garden, drinking wine in hot bath,

experience emotions and worlds beyond my own as I flip through pages of my favorite stories,

pirates, lovers, quests and madness,

I step outside, damp grass between my toes, take it in my stride,

long dress bouncing with me, flowers and leaves grace my fingertips,

step inside pour myself a glass of red, undress and sip, and a hot bath fills,

soak it in, eyes closed head filled with novel thoughts, natures coolness and the warmth of bathwater hugging my naked body

 

I can hear my phone ringing in the draw, people places and things to do, I can do it all later,

I am well loved, lots of hugs, and close friends with words of wisdom,

I dress slowly, shirt stockings, hair and brolly,

pull the door open and let love flow in.

lovely morning

I wake up with my small dog nestled on  my bed,

today I hide away from everything, just as my dog is trying to do,

I can hear my phone ringing in the draw, people places and things to do, I can do it all later,

I am well loved, lots of hugs, and close friends with words of wisdom,

but today I am happy learning from books, walking in my garden, drinking wine in hot bath,

I give time to myself to sit and think, ponder and explore,

unaffected by everything outside my door,

I will open it when I am ready, full head of knowledge,

pull the door open and let love flow in.