2010
Them: I don’t want to see you again.
Me inside: ouch that really hurt
Me say: WHHHHHHHyyyyy?!!! AAAAHHAHHHAAHHH (sob)
2015
Them: I don’t want to see you again.
Me inside: ouch that really hurt
Me say: Okay, I enjoyed the time we shared together. You were lovely to me, Take care, bye.
It still hurts on the inside, but I have made changes on the outside.
Hunger pains, cold again, that sick morning feeling,
Did I leave a piece of me with you, is it growing like a plant seed,
Or was it never planted properly,
I am attracted to a burning flame, better if I don’t get to close,
It wont be only my fingers that feel the hot wax,
Online, all the time, searching for?
I puzzle myself, slow and steady,
Smile as I clean up the mess from the night before,
A comforting feeling, sitting alone,
A happy safe place and a quick fix,
What I don’t want, seems to be a longer list,
No ciggarets or children, please be thin, and friendly to beign,
I don’t care for geeky things, a photo of you outdoors,
I need a grace period, a time to bleed all these bad presumtions out,
I will find that inner smile, even if it takes a while.
Alone on this stupid rock, I trace a path back,
Follow the bread crumbs and try to find,
Find where I lost myself so terribly bad,
To that demon that wanted everything I had,
I will walk my own path next, I will not follow,
I make the rules and I will not bend,
This is my path to take, absorbing some self control
I was thinking about how quick the internet is but how little I think things through when I say them right then and there. So instead I am going to treat this like a pen pall send my message on a certain day and post it. Then later that week ill collect the mail. A long letter to a pen pal. Could be fun. would you like to play to? 🙂
Sent Jan 11
I think the internet is fast, it is me who is slow to reply ha. I am a busy person and I really don’t like being on my phone. If love to play pen palls with you. I think it’d be great if we met though, and then didn’t use this app, it’s driving me nuts. Maybe you could write to me via email or post? I’d prefer post but I don’t know if I want to give you my address, maybe you are a crazy person :p
I’ve been working this evening.
I’m so tired now probably from my drive and being sick, I am so keen to curl up like a cat and nap.
Jan 11
A yes, phones are annoying I turn mine off every few days. do not need constant texts have enought people to talk to on a daily basis. 🙂
Ah yes, the flaw of pen pals, I think back in the day letters only went to the post office and you would go down say your name and pick them up. could be wrong but I think that is a good idea to keep a bit of privacy :).
I am happy to hangout with you preferably before the 23rd of this month or after the 15th of feb as I will be in Tasmania hiking frenchmans cap. 🙂 Or email if you would like.
I am half and open book half closed with people and would like to see where this goes. 🙂
Sent Jan 11
Hyper sensation, absorption and cataclysmic reaction. Conscious annihilation, re-visitation and self alienation. A fraction of dissatisfaction and loads of procrastination. To little traction to break mental flagellation, suffer implication. Medication. Lacking stimulation in the situation of intellectual masterbation, no one waits at the station with elation. Awareness of circulation creates emotional mastication. Self medication. Dissipation.
January 4 2016
Proclamation!
Positive composition, enormous transition. Compassion, cohesion, no lesion. Clear comprehension of the destination. What elevation. Moved away from stagnation; irruption, expansion…levitation! Precision of execution, annihilation of dissolution. Relieved of sedation. Self exploration, no limitation! Oh positive connotation, altered internal narration.
Jan 8
Wave. The wave of life, the wave of emotion. Building, surging, peaking, breaking, crashing, dispersing, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Building again. Continuous rhythm. Heartbeat of the sea. Wave hello. Wave goodbye. Wave of life. It’s hard to see at the peak as you break and crash that soon you will reform. But it always happens. Again and again.
Doing what you want to be doing,
That is a rare thing,
Some people spend their lives brewing,
Instead you’ve made yourself a king,
You seem like you are happy,
So what has brought you to okcupid?
I hope you won’t think that is snappy,
I just think this is a bit stupid.
Your juicy thighs, a truth in life that wont lie,
I know what you want to feed on me, and I sit back and let you,
The giver and the receiver, in love I am a believer,
Thick meat sliding, griding body, our figues keep us from hurting each other,
Pull and push, make it hurt just a little,
Find my sweet spot, and I will like you a lot a lot,
I hope I will see you again,
But as I go, I let you know,
I loved the time we shared, as you are a wonderful person.
Cold and hungry, dog on my bed so not lonely, I rest my feet, boots on the ground, thinking of a meal, Whatever I do tonight is not a big deal, room for good vibes, What is planned for tomorrow? … Continue reading
On this journey of life, another spiritual quest I took,
Little dog to look after as I wonder through the plains,
Head held high, warmed up and well stretched,
Good balance and a healthy back,
Heavy boots, but I can still feel the earth,
Breath in the air and smile at the trees,
The road bends and curves and I hug it tightly every inch,
My small dog breaths and pants, people and faces,
Fence lines and brick, blend and blur as I walk following a path,
On my spiritual journey, stepping back in time.
Build on a story I once wrote, I knew you now I don’t.
You broke my heart, and I am heading back to the start.
With music, writing, thoughts and art.
I need to take this journey on my own to get away from everything about you that I had ever known.
You may be gone but you are still a big part of my life, the shattered fragments of my uptuned chewed up heart.
This is all for me, to let the healing begin.
I have come far to understand what I must do, in truth this is nothing new.
But maybe I can find a peaceful me, as I try and sort all these things out.
I will think of you and it will hurt, and I will get angry.
And I want to be alone, but surrounded at times with people that I care about.
Not followed by people that I don’t want to know.
It is comforting to know what many people are alone.
A phone that does not ring, an empty heart with a picture of you within.
It is comforting to know that many people are alone.
And I am not the on ly one sitting here wondering why the world has not done me any favours.
A phone that does not ring every time that I look at it expecting something good to follow me around.
But maybe I am just to nice.
Maybe I should just do my own thing and forget about everyone else.
They are not there for me and never were why do I have to concern myself with them.
BENT ON LOVE 