I feel empty, but somehow I am building the blocks again towards a happier me.
I am strong and capable. Not much is holding me back.
I wear high heals when I go bush walking sometimes.
What I think about, how could I ever remember. It is like I am walking through a dream.
And another thing I’ve been wondering lately. Oh please tell me what do you mean when you say you don’t feel right being near me. That hurts really bad. I want a clear answer. Do you think I will ever get it?
Will I ever be happy in my own skin, getting thin. I walk to much, very healthy. But maybe I don’t look that way, searching for myself in this big city life. I want to know me. Be a friend of mine. Find the time for me. There is no love for me here.
Desperate for attention, validation. I feel empty and I have to know that I will not get that attention or validation. And this is so very hard for me to accept. I keep pushing that away and saying that someone loves me, it may not be me but someone loves me.
It is still hard for me to grasp that I have to do someothings on my own. And that it will be better if I do. I keep circling around the idea that if I search and talk to people that I will find a new lover that will fix all my insecurities but that wont happen that is not the answer.
I need to love myself and I don’t even know where to start.