Past sexual experience and breakup heartbreak.
You came on my thigh on that hot summer afternoon. The feeling of that warm sticky liquid on my leg, I play with it in my fingers, it feels odd. Warm, sticky, messy. Is this all is needed to make a child, it is hard to imagine. I smile at you, your sweaty tired eyes still swarming with excitement. You kiss my mouth and I breath you in. You were my first love. We would go down to the river and play all day, under the shade of the big gum trees. Light streaming in creating shadows on our bodies.
I used to love you and we spend so much time together growing up. That was long ago me and Tiger. Your parentsnamed you after the tasmian tiger. Years ago, they hunted the Tasmanian tiger to expinction. They tried to save the last animal, but by then it was too late and it died in camptivity. Not the most pleasant story, but I am sure they had there reasons why they would name you that.
I moved away to go to university after school, and you stayed there to look after your parents property.
Story present day the call
I take my daughter to school and get about my day. Busy as ever but somehow things are fine. I remember a poem about thinking about the grass being greener on the other side, it went.
You’ll loose your life thinking you’re meant to be somewhere,
Don’t look for the end, it’s unclear,
Days close in on me, Days open a-gain.
Relax, not today.
I like those words as they speak to me and take away my dreamy mind that thinks I should be doing more with my life. But I have a good job, friends, and a daughter I am blessed with. Things are going smoothly. It was a hot day. I picked my daughter up from school and we walked home, hand in hand as we told each other about our day. While the sun was still in the sky I did some gardening before dinner. Sweat on my brow, I dig out weeds the sun beating down on my sun hat and floral summer dress. I hear the phone ring. And wash my hands and head inside, wiping the sweat from my face.
Hello –I say
Hi, Ellen, its me Tiger. – hear the voice on the other end say, I had to think for a moment. And it comes back to me, I have not heard from tiger in years, he was an old childhood friend of mine, who lived nearby and became a writer and would sometimes look after my granddad and pay him a visit.
The voice continues – You may want to sit down, this is hard for me to say….. – I sit down and ask Tiger to speak. He does so slowly
It is about your grandpa, He passed away this morning – my heart sunk, I have not been back in months and I felt bad that we had not spoken much lately.
What time I ask – He tells me, and I feel angry that I was doing something so trival at that time. When my grandfather was leaving this world.
Heading to tasmania
I get a call from you out of the blue to say that my granddad whom I lived with passed away. I make my way back to Tasmania. To that house where I grew up. I leave my daughter at my best friends place whom she knows as a aunit even though she is not related.
I stand in the entrerence to my childhood home, the sadness comes over me and I cannot say my words through my tears.
Current sexual experience with that same person
The pain of being here hurts. You hold my hands and kiss my forhead. I kiss your lips tears in my eyes. We get naked. You slide into me, my tears on your shoulder. So close to you, lets make everything alright.
I open my thighs and guide you in. I feel the tip of your penis and the rest, slide in gently, I have not been loved in a while and I feel the stretch as I open up to you, my furrowed brow you kisss I look up at you into your eyes. I feel you pull out and then slide deeper into me, I gasp. And kiss your lips.
Brief farewells until later. Set up second date
Have to go home to my life and daughter. I kiss your lips tasting the wet warmth of everything that meant so much to my youth, that warm feeling that, the comforting scent. I think about how good it would be to just stay here. I tell you about how I have holidays in June. You should come visit, meet my daughter and stay for a while. We could go camping, or roadtrip the coast.
You say you would like that and smile and wave as the gates to the airport. I sit down on the plane and think to myself everything is going to be alright.